My favorite teacher in high school was Mr. Gavin. Awesome dude who had a lot of Gavin-isms, like “Less barking, more wagging” and “Busy hands are happy hands.” At least for me, being bored or having excess time available can be a dangerous proposition.
In the mid-late 90’s I consulted KSFM/Sacramento through an agreement with Jerry Clifton. Programmed by Dr. Dave Ferguson, Rick Thomas and later Bob West, the building was a Fun Factory. Jenny the receptionist set the tone when you walked in. She might moon you. I’m not kidding. There were razor scooter races in the hall, pool parties at Bob’s place, club nights where all the employees showed up and an air of “Can you believe they actually pay us for this?” And then they hired By…sorry, different blog post.
The station had a history of replacing their Promotion Director’s in July, which coincided with the California State Fair. Perfect. It was just down the street. I love State Fairs and would come in and play Promo Guy for three or four weeks while they hired a new person.
And so it came to be that I arrived for one of these gigs to find that it was the last day for their Production Director, AJ. (“Amazing Production Director” should be emphasized.) AJ was this big blond kid from South Dakota and was beloved in the halls. Everyone was sad to see him go but thrilled for the new opportunity he had at KKPN in Houston, working for a great PD named Mike Marino.
I hadn’t yet dove into the Fair broadcast having just come from the airport, so I had some idle time on my hands.
Whoops.
I took that day’s Inside Radio fax and with Jenny’s help, removed the second story and replaced it with my own:
“Going Going GONE In Houston!
Shocking news from Houston as employees arrived at Dalton Radio Group’s KKPN to find their positions have been eliminated as the format switches to FM Gospel. Among the casualties are veteran Programmer Mike Marino and General Manager Mike Crusham. Inside Radio has reached out to Dalton in Raleigh for a comment.”
I then faxed it over to KSFM’s sister station The Zone and they faxed it back. Now with a legit fax, I had the GM, Jerry McKenna, bring it down to AJ’s office where he was busily packing up his stuff.
“Uh, have you spoken with anyone in Houston this morning…?”, asked Jerry. “No, why?”, replied AJ. Looking sad-yet-stoic, Jerry handed him the fax and walked away.
Gathered with some people in the General Manager’s office, we kept getting reports from people who’d poked their head in to wish AJ a great new adventure in Houston. “He looks like he’s going to throw up.” “He’s on the phone with Marino!” “He’s faxing them the piece.”
It was at that point that it hit me that if the fax, left the building, in the terms a Professor of Law, “I’m screwed.” I got to the Business Manager just as the fax cleared the machine. I may have entered running, yelling, “Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
It was now out of my hands and out of my control.
So here is what happened in order of event.
- The Houston GM called his bosses in Raleigh and swore profusely and vehemently at them for the way they’d handled the sale.
- They in turn called Inside Radio and were throwing around terms like “Sue your ass” and amounts equaling the GDP of some developing nations.
- I had to call John Gehron in Chicago and tell him that I might have just gotten his station in deep dookie.To John’s credit he said “It was a joke. Geez. Have them call me if they’re still mad.”
- I then called my boss Jerry Clifton in Hawaii. He laughed, said, “That’s brilliant” and then hung up.
- I then called and left a voicemail (Thank God) for the General Manager where I may have groveled like the prisoner in the opening guillotine scene in “Papillon.”
I went for a walk in the station parking lot and contemplated existence, and then went back in for the airstaff meeting that was serving as a defacto going away party for AJ. I walked in to the conference room to an ovation. While people applauded I stood next to Bob West and through a forced smile and gritted teeth, muttered, “I’m so (bad term associated with prison).” Bob smiled back and said, “Yes. Yes you are.”
The strangest part of the whole thing is that it just dissipated after a couple hours. Hurricane Category 5 to a squall in 120 minutes. But it was 120 minutes that brought me closer to God and also saved me a lot of money on fiber supplements over the next month.
Side note: in 2014 I was at iHeart in the Twin Cities training in their legion of summer interns, and their new General Manager , Mike Crusham, pops in to introduce himself to the crowded performance room of smiling, energetic 18-122 year-olds. He apologized for interrupting my spiel and then turned to the group and said, “Let me tell you about Paige. I was doing this job in Houstin in 1997 when…” Holy crap it was HIM. He proceeded to recount my voicemail and said, “This is before your time, but in ‘The Blues Brothers’ John Belushi lay on the ground and begged for mercy from Carrie Fisher. This was worse. Watch this guy. He’s trouble” and laughed and walked out.
Mr. Gavin would have been proud.
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